[Other] Những Ngày Không Vui

ver219

“The daily routine of most adults is so heavy and artificial that we are closed off to much of the world. We have to do this in order to get our work done. I think one purpose of art is to get us out of those routines. When we hear music or poetry or stories, the world opens up again. We’re drawn in — or out — and the windows of our perception are cleansed.”

Wish it is as easy as this says. I wake up and suffer. Meet other people and suffer. Do things I hate and suffer. Do things I love and suffer. What choice do I have?

ver219

I think I've just created another cycle of ruins. It was no surprise really, how I just have to destroy everything.

I think you carry the people you’ve loved with you forever, not in a ‘you can never get over them’ way but more like loving them changed you and it meant something and you have to make peace with that.

ver219

I've been sitting here for three hours and not a single sentence written is of worthy value to be acceptable. I've been in academic environments for so long it wears the patience out of me. Not only that, my precise perception has drastically declined. I can't even articulate my thoughts for personal indulgence let alone scholar papers. At my age, I should have had a stable job with an apartment where my two cats wait at the door for my arrival. Or I really need to snap out of it and start write the goddamn paper that is due in two days. : D

ver219

it just happens to me how ridiculous life is. the way it works in its mysterious way concerns me to the greatest extent. never in my life had i experienced such downfall in a completely negative slope in such a short period of time and in a span of half a decade. like, i understand life is hard and timing is a bitch. but no one deserves to be jumped on like this. especially one who is mentally struggling to stay alive bro. not cool. not cool at all. give me a fucking break will ya?

ver219

maybe i do feel it as strongly as it's supposed to be, but it's ineffable. the lands shift and earth quakes, but i don't feel a thing. "pay very close attention to your body because it's telling you the truth, pay very little attention to your mind because it's lying to you all the time". but i hate my body, i hate my mind. so that's why i feel too much to comprehend and the world doesn't stop to ask me how i'm doing.

ver219

okay but what are you waiting for? if you don't know when it will come, why don't you start now? if you wait for the unknown, then create one now. the possibility is endless. you said that to everyone. you encouraged everyone so. and now you chickened out just because your brain told you that you're limited? does that even make sense? bro, wake up. the reality is there. it feels like hell but through hell we must stride forward. none of us are going back.

ver219

What is this heaviness coming down from above onto my shoulders?
Temptation, temptation, temptation
Obsessed, wounded, under the microscope
A house whose gate is opened
By an intruder from the inside
No less.

ver219

you know how they always say: you play with feelings, you're gonna catch 'em someday. but i didn't think the situation would be played out like this. ugh what the heck is going on. but this one is on me i guess. should have seen it coming and get myself prepared. but i fail to see the shortcomings thus falling into the abyss of undesirable emptiness. bleh, like i care. i'll move on in no time. or not. i don't know. let's skip class, ditch work, ruin life!

ver219

did I just spend nearly 40 bucks on an AYCE dinner just to use their ice cream machine? the audacity of intrusive thoughts. the moment they processed the payment, I knew I looked weird af to everyone there. shoutout to Ken for making the necessary refund for my depressed ass and offered to give me a huge cup of their ice cream on the house. I was very close to cry in front of you when you tapped on my shoulders and asked for a hug. Bro, you're the real one. I wish you will never run out of toilet papers when you need and your socks will always be dry even on rainy days.

ver219

aw my poor heart can't withstand these walls of text of you coming out of nowhere and claim they're just "exaggeration". screw you bro. get your shit together. nobody asked. akjhjadghakdghakdgh why do things have to be like this? i only wanted a peaceful morning with no surprises. can a human just sit down with a cup of coffee and a book to start the day without feeling anxious? jeezz...